Alive, But Dead Inside
by Rainlily216
Summary: They came like shadows in the night. After the ambush,turning to Team Rocket was my only choice. But I did ask myself this. Is it better to die for what you believe in, or do anything you can to stay alive and fight for it. Rated T for violence/cursing.
1. Chapter 1: Deadly Shadows

Chapter 1: Deadly Shadows

**Hey there avid Pokémon readers! This is the sequel to my earlier fanfic Stuck in Between, so if this story is a bit confusing at first glance, I suggest you read the first one to really get this one. Hope you like this first chapter!**

They had come out of nowhere, like dark shadows on an otherwise sunny day. Waking up today, I never would have imagined how today would turn out, and how it nearly got me killed in the process. But wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you how I singlehandedly got my closest friends killed.

I had been traveling alone for a while, when I had run into Ash, Misty and Brock once again. It was wonderful to see them again. Especially Ash. His hair had grown a bit longer, and he had grown a little bit, but his smile was still the same, warm and friendly. My face felt like it had been lit on fire when he had hugged me. Maybe this was how Brock saw girls. Completely beautiful, or in my case, totally hot.

We had been walking through one of the nearby forests, with Ash telling me how excited he was about getting his next gym badge, when the sun began going down.

" Brock, something about this forest gives me the creeps," said Misty, and I had to agree with her; the dark had always scared me a bit ever since I was little.

" Yeah we better be careful, or we could walk into trouble," said Brock, and we all jumped back when two shadowy figures came down from the trees.

" Did someone say trouble?" one of them said, a female voice, but I was positive it wasn't Jessie's, which only left one other.

" Then we'll make sure to make it double!" came that gruff voice I knew well. Suddenly, two spotlights appeared, illuminating the two figures. Cassidy and Butch!

" **To infect the world with Devastation!" **

" **To Blight all people in every nation!"**

"**To denounce the goodness of truth and love!"**

" **To extend our wrath to the stars above!"**

"Cassidy!" she announced, her purple earrings catching the light, illuminating her evil grin. " And Butch of course!" he announced, and I just had to roll my eyes. I think the others were too.

"**We're Team Rocket, circling earth all day and night!"**

" **Surrender to us now or you will surely lose the fight!"**

" It's Cassidy!" said Misty, her eyes firing up at the Team Rocket agent. " And Botch!" said Brock, and I mentally counted down on my fingers to Butch's reaction time.

" It's Butch, can't you twerps get anything right?" he yelled, his face going red as he screamed at us. I crossed my arms, holding myself back from wailing on the jerks that nearly killed me.

" Your one to talk. If your going to say the motto at all, say it correctly, like Jessie and James do!" I said, but I said this more to Cassidy then Butch, because I knew how she hated being compared to Jessie.

" Ah, Ashley. Long time no see. Last time I saw you, you were hanging from a cliff. Too bad your still alive" she said, laughing in that high, girly voice of hers.

Oh how I wished Jessie were here to help me clobber her!

" Oh Cassidy, I didn't know you got plastic surgery! Now I can look at you without being sick!" I said, and Ash, Misty and Brock burst out laughing. Even Butch tried hard not to laugh.

" Still as fiery as ever I see. Pity it won't help you," she said, and I stood my ground, knowing that I fight of some sort was about to occur.

" I guessing this isn't a friendly visit. What do you rejects want?" I asked, my hands already on my Evee turned Flareon's poke ball.

"And if your trying to get Pikachu, you can forget it," said Ash, with Pikachu sparking angrily in agreement.

" Silly twerp, we could care less about that right now," said Butch, his brown eyes glinting in the moonlight, much like a wolf's.

" Then what is it that you want?" asked Misty, her voice shaking a bit.

" Why, we want revenge, on the people who saved a brat that should have died!" laughed Cassidy, as she drew a poke ball from her belt. " Drowzee I choose you!" she said, as Butch released his Primeape.

" Flareon go!" I said, and my Pokémon immediately came flying out, her flames already crackling in anticipation. " Flareon, use flame-thrower now!" I cried, but eve as my Pokémon obeyed, Cassidy smiled with a look that sent chills down my spine.

" Drowzee, use your mega punch and reflect it back," she said, and Drowzee complied, but Cassidy wasn't done yet.

" On Ashley!" she said, and I could only look at her in shock as my own Pokémon's attack came back and hit me full blast. Pain rocketed through my body as I myself was rocketed off my feet, slamming into a tree about ten feet away.

" Ashley!" cried Ash, racing over to me as I struggled to sit up, and batting at the flames that covered my hair with his hat.

" Ash" I coughed, and I tried to talk, but then Ash cried out, and I started screaming when Cassidy pulled out a knife from his back, the blade covered in bright red blood.

" You sick bitch! You'll pay for this!" I cried, and suddenly my strength returned, as leaped to my feet and began aiming my attacks at both rockets and their Pokémon. Where were Jessie, James and Meowth when I needed them?"

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

Ashley must have had her wish granted, because not too far off, the three people she needed most right now were close by, having heard the sounds of the intense battle.

" Jessie it sounds like there's a fight going on," said the tall blue haired man, his voice a bit worried and fearful.

" This is perfect James! If these people are too busy fighting, then we can sneak in and nab their Pokémon!" said Jessie excitedly, her footsteps increasing in her excitement.

" And maybe some cash as well. I'm starving!" said Meowth, his stomach growling to emphasis his words.

" Then lets hurry and get there, or the fight will be over before we get there!" said Jessie and the trio increased their steps, unaware of the horrible sight they were about to see.

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

I sobbed as I battled, going for Cassidy's throat. Ash, Misty, Brock. All killed before my eyes. I had managed to grab their poke balls, so I could at least save them from team rocket, but my friends bodies lay there, covered in their own blood, alive, but only just. I knew I would be next, but Cassidy stopped, as I lay against a tree, blood pouring from my face and chest. Evee stood in front of me, growling dangerously, daring Cassidy to come closer.

" Go ahead, kill me already" I gasped, as pain raced through my body, my head swimming as I struggled not to faint. She came closer, her violet eyes shining with malice, and I backed up in fear. Yet she stopped and looked down on me, with an air that she had already won.

" No. I'm going to leave you with the worst kind of torture. The knowledge that you did nothing while all your friends died." Her words were more painful then my many cuts and bruises. A few feet ahead, Butch watched, smirking horribly. The two left then, as if they had heard something, and raced away.

Crying out n pain, I dragged myself over to my friends. Misty and Brock looked like they would survive, but still had many cuts from the battle. Poor Ash had many gaping wounds, all of them bleeding profusely, and if they weren't treated soon, he would most certainly die!

" Ash, talk to me please!" I begged him, wiping some of the blood off of his cheeks.

" Ashley," he whispered, and his hand found mine, weakly griping it. " It hurts so much" he whispered, and it made me start crying.

" Ash, it's going to be all right. Just don't you leave me!" I begged, holding his face in my hands tightly.

" Ashley, if something happens, I just want you to know how much it's meant to me that I was able to meet you." I nodded, the tears pouring down faster now.

" Me too Ash. I've missed you so much. It nearly killed me to leave you guys before" I said, and he touched my face, managing to smile at me with his usual warmth.

" You don't understand though, Ashley. I didn't just miss you. I think I've been falling for you since the day I met you. I love you," he said, and my heart melted, just as it was breaking.

" I love you too Ash," I whispered, but then his eyes started closing. " Ash, stay with me!" I begged him, shaking him a little.

" Take care of Pikachu," he said, before closing his eyes. " Ash! ASH! No!" I cried, holding him in my arms. He was till breathing, but he needed a doctor now! I need help to get him to one. But I myself was in pain, and I didn't know how I could, along with Misty and Brock at the same time.

No sooner had I thought this then the group of people I thought I would never see again. Jessie, James and Meowth were strolling into the clearing, unaware of us. " Jessie, James" I said weakly. My voice was barley audible, but Jessie turned around, her green eyes searching.

" Ashley! Holy Shit!" she screamed, racing over to me, her face filled with horror. I coughed, blood coming up with each breath.

" Who did this to you?" asked James, as he held me up, his green eyes shiny as he tried not to cry.

" Butch… Cassidy… Ambush" I whispered as I closed my eyes, trying to escape the pain.

" Don't worry your safe now" said Jessie, grabbing me as I collapsed. My body felt drained, like a dying battery, so I just lay against Jessie, too weak now to even hold my head up.

" Please, help my friends. They… don't have much time… left." I was looking at James, who was surveying the carnage. " Please James. They'll die if you don't." He forced a smile, smoothing my hair back.

" Don't worry, Ashley, we'll take care of it." Meowth nodded, as he held one of my hands in his paw. " Don't worry, kid. We got yah now," he said, and I closed my eyes, my world feeling fuzzy. The last thing I heard was Jessie as she wrapped me up in something warm. " I will KILL Cassidy for this!" Her words comforted me, and I passed out.

_**Ok, the first chapter is done! This story had been on my computer for a while, and I finally got around to posting it. Please tell me if you like it or not, but don't be too cruel. Especially if you don't like the earlier versions of Jessie and James, like I do. So, if you do like this kind of stuff, please review! ( P.S. Flareon is the Fire evolve form of the Pokémon Evee. Hope that clears any confusion up!)**_


	2. Chapter 2: Choice of a Lifetime

Chapter 2: Choice of a lifetime.

**Ashley's P.O.V.**

When I opened my eyes, sunlight was filtering through the trees. I tried to sit up, but cried out as pain exploded through my body.

" Hey, kid, don't move like that or you'll hurt yourself more," came a voice, and then Meowth was there, gently easing me back down.

" Meowth? Where are we?" I asked, wondering how I was so comfortable lying on the ground.

" When we brought yah's here, Jessie and James tried to make you as comfortable as possible," said Meowth, and I realized the Pokémon was right, for I was laying on top of James sleeping bag and wrapped up in Jessie's.

" So where are they now? " I asked, my hand finding Flareon's warm body, stroking her as I spoke.

" They disguised themselves and took yer pals to a hospital. They also are going to try and get yah some food," he said, and I nodded, my eyes welling up for the safety of my friends, all of them.

" How am I even alive?" I asked, and I looked at my arms, covered in bandages and in a few places stitches.

" James surprisingly knows a lot about medicine, and so does Jessie. But it was James who stitched you up. Did you know that as a boy he got sewing lessons? I thought it funny at first, but now it seems to have paid off." I nodded, but in a way, I wasn't really listening. All I could think about was Ash. He had told me he loved me, and now he was hurt, maybe dead now! That's how Jessie and James found me, crying quietly for Ash, Misty and Brock.

" I'm glad your awake, Ashley. We were getting worried," said Jessie, as she walked into the clearing, holding basket that contained a bottle of water, a loaf of bread and some fruit.

" Yeah. Are my friends all right?" I asked, again trying to sit up, but stopped by Meowth.

" Well their at a hospital now, but their condition is not good," said James, putting his hand on my shoulders.

" All of this had happened because of me. I should have been the one to die, because that's why Butch and Cassidy came after us in the first place. " Jessie huffed indignantly.

"Ashley, you dying wouldn't have made anything better! Your friends will be fine. Those twerps have gotten into some much trouble in such a short amount of time, it's actually a miracle they're still alive!" she said, and I had to agree. Ash was too stubborn to die.

" But what happens now? Every moment your with me, you guys are in danger too! Knowing Cassidy, she won't hesitate to kill you!" I said, and was about to look at my hands when Jessie held my chin in her gloved hand.

" Now you listen to me, Ashley James. We've been friends for as long as I can remember, and I'm not going to let some pigtailed bitch hurt you! Your going to stay with us, and if they dare cross us, their going to see how mean I can really be!" she said, and I started laughing as she hugged me fiercely.

" But how can we do this. I obviously can't follow you around looking like this!" I said, indicating my hair and clothing.

" That's why we thought of this!" said James, and from a bag he pulled out a team rocket uniform similar to Jessie's but more my size. He then reached back in and came out with gloves, and boots, along with a makeup kit.

" What are you guys saying?" I asked breathlessly, gently fingering the material.

" We're saying welcome to the Team kid!" said Meowth, and I smiled. Not only was I keeping myself out of danger, I was insuring that Ash remain safe by disappearing from his life. Still, I did feel a bit sad as Jessie and James worked to change my appearance so no one would recognize me easily.

**OOOOOOOOOOOO**

In the end, my long black hair had been dyed a light purple, and pulled back into tight ringlets. With their disguise and makeup kits, Jessie and James also made my skin look a little different as well, changing my usually pale skin to a golden brown. They had also changed up my contacts, and given me ones tinted brown, making my naturally green eyes an interesting shade of hazel, with green flecks through them. The boots added a little bit of height as well, so when I saw my reflection in a nearby lake, I hardly recognized myself. We then had to decide on a cover name because using my real one would be a dead giveaway.

I finally decided on Crystal, with Simon as a surname, for it had been my mothers name before she married my father. Joining Team Rocket had been difficult but without Jessie and James, my friends and I would be moldering corpses right now. I owed them that much for saving my life. I could only hope it didn't kill me in the process.

_**2**__**nd**__** chapter up! I think that in some instances, you have to do something that you wouldn't normally do, just to stay alive. In my mind, I think that may be one f the reasons Jessie and James joined Team Rocket in the first place, so in a way they could be safe. Hope you liked this chapter, and please review!**_


	3. Chapter 3: Evil is a Tricky Word

Chapter 3: Evil is a Tricky word

_**Ok, where to begin? The last time I updated this story was back in April, almost 6 months ago. I wrote it when I was really obsessed with Pokémon, and now that that love has returned, I finally wrote out this new chapter. I don't know if any of you out there are reading this, but I hope you get a chance to, cause I actually like this chapter. As I do for some of my other works, I like to answer comments, so here goes. **_

**Alou ShadowHeart: Thanks! I don't know if you'll read this, but thanks for the review comma queen. I do hope you read this chapter though!**

**LuvPeaceCandy: I know! I hated having to hurt them! Hope you like this chapter!**

**ultimatedragonballzfan: Aw, don't be hating on the twerps! I agree, team rocket rocks, but Ash and his friends have their good points too. They'll appear later in the story. I think Giovanni likes B and C too much to fire them, and I'll touch on that more later on. Still, Jessie and James have a special place in my heart, and they are relatable to in a wonderful way. I hope you enjoy this update, so please review and tell me what you think!**

_**So, please, if you do read it, tell me if you like it or what you think, cause feedback is very important to me!**_

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

_**Ashley's P.O.V.**_

After I had recovered, I began going on missions with Jessie and James frequently. Stealing had a bad effect on me, but after a while it just kind of became routine. A lot of times though, the four of us actually captured wild Pokémon to send into the boss, after I told Jessie that stealing a trainers friend just wasn't working for me. However, I still kept my promise to Ash, and Pikachu stayed with Flareon and myself. Jessie and James never touched him, and made up a lie that Pikachu was under lock and key ever since his trainer had gotten into an accident, to pacify the boss when he questioned them about it.

He believed them for now, but for how long would that last was my constant fear. Pikachu didn't really like how I was spending my time, but he still stood by me, and was a companion for Flareon, who had unfortunately turned out like me, cold and ridged, with only a little flicker of what she used to be before. Another thing that took up my time was a side job. For a long time, I had been fascinated with healing potions, and I could make them really well. I sold them on the side for cheap, and the look on people's faces when their Pokémon became healthy again helped get me through my new way of life.

They also came in handy when we went blasting off, which some people found funny, but I found painful. My potions however, helped us with the minor injuries we received, and brought in some extra cash, so even though we couldn't afford a hotel room, we had enough money to keep us well fed. This had been going on for months, but every day my heart had been going out to Ash, Misty and Brock. As far as I knew, they were still in the hospital, but in better condition. They were under the impression I had been abducted, if not already dead, and Ash wouldn't stop searching for me.

It was when I heard that that I made sure to get Pikachu back to Ash. Jessie and James helped me with how to do it, luckily. One night, when it was dark, we snuck to the hospital they were staying in, and returned Pikachu to a sleeping Ash. I made James do it, for I couldn't bring myself to look at Ash, and all the pain I'd cost him. I had made Pikachu promise not to tell Ash I was alive, and though it obviously pained the Pokémon, he had promised me and gone back to his trainer. Once the task was done, I had run into the woods crying, and Jessie, James and Meowth had been there to help me get through it. Though I missed Ash like crazy, this would be a good thing. I think.

_**So… Good? Bad? Horrible? If anybody reads this, tell me what you think! Thank you and please review!**_

_**~Rainlily216 Out!~**_


	4. Chapter 4: Team Rocket is One

Chapter 4: Team Rocket is One

_**Two chapters at once? I must be on a roll. This chapter is a bit sad, much like the last chapter actually. Hope you like it!**_

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

_**Ashley's P.O.V.**_

I leaned against a tree, staring up at the night sky. It had been a year now. A year since I had joined up with Team Rocket. A year of slowly losing who I used to be, like a stone being smoothed in the ocean, without the calming effect. If it wasn't for Jessie, James and Meowth, I would have given up long ago, and it was because of Ash. For the first few weeks, whenever he ran into Jessie and James, he would demand where I was and what they had done to me. They then reported this to me when we met up.

Each time they did, my heart was torn to shreds. I wanted so much to be with him, yet I knew if I even came near him again, he could wind up dead, and I already couldn't forgive myself for what had happened a year ago. In time he asked less and less, although that could have been Jessie yelling at him to just drop it. That's where the three were right now. I was doing dinner, a recipe for a kind of cheese, meat and vegetable dip that we could dip rolls into. It was a recipe that Brock had showed me, and a lump grew in my throat as I remembered sitting around the fire with Ash, Misty and Brock.

I didn't know I was crying until tears dripped onto my hands. Flareon cuddled close to me, her extra warmth a comfort to me. " Oh Flarey, how did we end up like this?" I whispered, my fingers tightening in her fur. That's when I heard branches breaking in the woods. The three were back. " I swear James, if that twerp blasts us off again, I swear I'll beat him black and blue myself," gripped Jessie as she burst into the clearing. " Well at least you can say that your getting free flying lessons this way," I said, my face masking the tears I shed.

" Ha ha, squirt. Next time we're making you blast off first," said James sarcastically, giving me a playful shove as he sat down. " Oh good, the kid made dinner! I'm starved!" cried Meowth, shoving past the rest of us to fill his bowl. This caused a mad scramble as the other two rockets jumped on him, all of them wanting to beat one another to the food. I just sat back and watched, a small smile on my face. With the three of them, sometimes I felt like the adult, when other times I felt like such a child, and they were the only ones who could protect me.

The only thing that stayed constant was that I was never truly happy. And I knew that I never could be, not as long as Butch and Cassidy were lurking around. Not until I knew that all my friends, Jessie, James and Meowth included, were safe. Not until Ash, my Ash, was safe.

_**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_

" Well that was truly delicious," said Jessie, leaning back against a tree and patting her stomach. " Yes, my compliments to the chef," said James, and I was glad that it was dark, cause their compliments made me blush. They knew I wasn't my old happy self, and did everything in their power to cheer me up. " Oh well, I'm no Pokémon center, but I do what I can," I said, making them all burst out laughing. A serious look then crossed Jessie's face.

" Now I remember where I've had this. The tall twerp, what's his name, made this when we made that temporary truce during that attack from the Ursaring," she said, and a tear slipped out before I could catch it. " Oh, sorry," she said, her sharp eyes catching my expression. I shook it off, the walls already going up. " Don't be. I'm not that fragile. I won't shatter just because you bring up….their names," I said, forcing a smile to pacify her.

The silence that settled around the fire was thick, and probably would have stayed lie that, when James spoke up. " You know Ashley, you don't have to be so strong all the time. We won't judge you for it," he said, reaching over to squeeze my shoulder, Jessie and Meowth nodding in agreement. I tried to smile, but it was so shaky that I couldn't hold it. I broke down when Jessie and James put their arms around me, Meowth and Flareon putting their paws up against my legs. When I finally stopped crying, I looked up at them.

" Thanks guys. You make me feel like I have a family again," I said, my breathing returning to normal. " Well what can we say? Team Rocket is, and always be One," said James, making a face as Jessie and I booed him for being so cheesy. " No I'm serious!" he said, getting up as he looked at us and reaching his arms towards the sky. I rolled my eyes, knowing he was going to start singing.

_**As you go through life you'll see, there is so much that we, don't understand. And the only thing we know is things don't always go, the way we planned. **_

I groaned, making a face at the song he picked, but inside I was smiling. Jessie looked at me and grinned. " Well if you can't beat em," she said, getting up to stand by James.

_**But you see everyday that we'll never turn away, when it seems all your dreams come undone. We will stand by your side filled with hope and filled with pride. We are more then we are we are one.**_

As they sang the chorus, they reached out their hands with me and pulled me up, wanting me to sing the next part. I rolled my eyes and cleared my throat. This was the first time I had sung in over a year.

_**If there's so much I must be, can I still just be me? The way I am?**_

I sang the lyrics, feeling that they were so true, so compatible with how I was feeling. Now I knew why James chose this song.

_**Can I trust in my own heart, or am I just one part, of some big plan?**_

They grinned as I finished, taking my hands to dance with me around the fire, as James began singing again, with Jess chiming in

_**Even those who are gone are with us as we go on. Your journey had only began.**_

_**Tears of pain, tears of joy, one thing nothing can destroy. It's our pride deep inside we are one. **_

I laughed, yes laughed, as we spun around, Flareon coming up into my arms so she could dance too. As they finished up the song, Jessie and James sang together.

_**We are one, you two and I, we are like the earth and sky. One family under the sun! All the wisdom to lead, all the courage that you need. You will find when you see, we are one!**_

The three of them, the three people who had taken me in when no one else would, finished singing to me, enveloping me in a huge hug. When I let the tears go, they were no longer of despair, but of happiness and the feeling of being loved. Through that one song, they had helped me finally overcome the pain and sorrow I had felt for so long. I knew I would still feel sad, but now I could deal with it, or at least cope with it without being drowned in it. As I feel asleep that night, I finally slipped into a slumber with a tranquil feeling of peace, my dreams for once not being plagued by nightmares. I was happier, and wished I could always feel this way. That is, I thought this before the event that happened the next day.

_**Ok, I know the song I used was Disney, the Lion King 2 to be exact, but I love the song, and when I saw a You Tube video that it was used in along with pics of Jessie, James and Meowth, I had to include it. The video is called Team Rocket is one, and I highly recommend you watch it. The video, the song and I guess the title of this chapter, doesn't belong to me, so no flames please! Please tell me what you think!**_

_**~Rainlily216 Out!~**_


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